Feeling Tongue-Tied

whatruselling

I’ve loved reading books and articles aloud since grade school, where my teachers were impressed by how impeccable my reading and speech patterns were compared to those of my classmates. For the past couple months, however, my reading and speech patterns have been anything but infallible.

It’s one thing for a stroke patient or someone born with a speech impediment to stumble over words or lose their train of thought while reading aloud or engaging in conversation, but I’ve never heard of someone with no speech difficulties at all as a kid suddenly starting to experience them as a young adult–especially someone like me who loves to read and talk about interesting subjects with others. Every time I would read something out loud, I would do so without any issues. My reading pattern was so perfect, I could see myself recording audiobooks! Now, when I read my textbooks for school–even stories for American Lit class!–I find myself either stumbling over my words or saying something completely different. Take this paragraph from James Purdy’s short story “Reaching Rose.”

“Richard was one of the few persons whom Mr. Sendel actually knew any more. Everyone else, somehow, was somebody you talked generalities with, but occasionally he and Richard managed to say some particularity that made up the little there was of meaning.”

Now, take a look at how I read this paragraph.

“Richard was one of the few persons whom Mr. Sendel actually knew any more. Everyone else, somehow, was somebody you talked generalities with, but occasionally he and Richard managed to say some particul- particularity that made up the little there was of meaning.”

Notice that I started reading this paragraph perfectly fine. When I reached the word “particularity,” I unconsciously paused before I could even finish saying the word.

Allow me to move on to a paragraph or two from a 2015 op-ed article from the Sun Sentinel in which the author implores Marco Rubio to resign from the U.S. Senate, since I have to read it for my News and News Reporting class on Tuesday anyhow.

“Rubio has missed more votes than any other senator this year. His seat is regularly empty for floor votes, committee meetings and intelligence briefings. He says he’s MIA from his J-O-B because he finds it frustrating and wants to be president, instead.”

Here’s how I read it.

“Rubio has missed more votes than any other senator this year. His seat is regularly empty for floor votes, committee meetings and intel- intelligence briefings. He says he’s MIA from his G-O-B because he finds it frustrating and wants to be president, instead.”

Again, I paused on the word “intelligence.” And I misspelled “JOB” by replacing “J” with “G,” which was extremely embarrassing because someone who’s so good at spelling even though she never participated in a spelling bee, let alone auditioned for one in 7th Grade, shouldn’t make such a big mistake as misspelling one simple three-letter word.

My anxiety has been somewhat diminished, but the fact I’ve been making speech errors more frequently than I like to seems to be telling me otherwise. It’s making me feel like I should either visit a neurologist to see if my anxiety has caused some damage in the Broca’s area of my brain or undergo speech and language therapy again. But then, my school putting me through speech and language therapy from pre-K to 8th Grade was less about correcting a speech impediment (because I didn’t have one to begin with) and more about improving my social skills.

I believe that this speech problem can be fixed either by myself or with some psychological help, but I’m scared that I’ll talk like Porky Pig for the rest of my life. That wouldn’t sound good for audiobooks, now  would it?

 

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